Supporting Young Learners Through Uncertainty with Dr. Lauren Loquasto
In this episode of Reading Inspires, host Dr. Erin Bailey sits down with Dr. Lauren Loquasto, Chief Academic Officer at Goddard Systems, to talk about helping young children manage strong emotions and tough topics. Dr. Loquasto breaks down how children's brains function across three different states and why it's important for parents and teachers to understand them in order to make children feel secure and open to learning. The discussion covers how to spot signs of fear or anxiety in children, how to respond to their difficult questions with openness rather than brushing them off, and how books like "Felix and the Picnic" can serve as a gentle entry point for talking about challenging subjects like family transitions, feelings, and the unknown. Dr. Loquasto's core message is that when children ask hard questions, it's a sign they trust the adults around them — and that combining curiosity with consistent routines, comfort, and emotional language can go a long way in helping young children understand and manage their feelings.
About Dr. Lauren Loquasto:
Dr. Lauren Loquasto is an expert in early childhood education. She currently serves as the Chief Academic Officer for Goddard Systems Inc. In this leadership role, Lauren continues to shape the premier educational programming and proprietary curriculum for the Goddard system of nearly 650 schools. In her prior role, Lauren held the position of vice president of early childhood education for Primrose School Franchising Company, where she supported curriculum development, implementation, and evaluation. Prior to that she led the early childhood education department for a private education company, authoring their proprietary early childhood curriculum and leading professional development creation and delivery.
Links:
- Webinar: Webinar: Every Book is a Big Conversation Starter | RIF.org
- Gardner Media: The Garden Learning and Play
- Harvard Study: Reading skills — and struggles — manifest earlier than thought — Harvard Gazette
- Big Conversations with Little Children: Addressing Questions, Worries, and Fears: Big Conversations with Little Children: Addressing Questions, Worries, – The Garden Learning and Play
- Big Conversations with Little Children Series: Books | DrLauren.org
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Erin Bailey: Welcome to Reading Inspires by Reading is Fundamental.00:00:02.846 --> 00:00:04.676
I'm your host, Dr. Aaron Bailey.00:00:04.826 --> 00:00:08.156
This podcast celebrates the power of books and the joy of reading.00:00:08.336 --> 00:00:15.321
In each episode, we talk with educators, librarians, families, authors, and literacy champions to explore one big question.00:00:16.181 --> 00:00:18.041
What does Reading inspire for you?00:00:18.311 --> 00:00:26.351
Through stories, research, and real world experiences from classrooms, libraries, and homes, we explore what literacy looks like and why it matters.00:00:26.681 --> 00:00:32.081
Whether you're nurturing young readers, shaping learning spaces, or simply love a good book, we're glad you're here.00:00:32.111 --> 00:00:33.101
Let's get inspired.00:00:33.311 --> 00:00:35.291
Today I'm talking to Dr.00:00:35.291 --> 00:00:42.041
Lauren Loquasto early childhood education expert and Chief Academic Officer for Goddard Systems Incorporated.00:00:42.441 --> 00:00:43.761
Dr. Lauren recently.00:00:43.851 --> 00:00:45.561
LED a webinar for riff.00:00:45.561 --> 00:00:47.901
Every book is a big conversation starter.00:00:47.991 --> 00:00:49.101
And where did this all start?00:00:49.461 --> 00:00:54.321
A few months ago, I received the book Felix and the Picnic from Gardner Publishing.00:00:54.321 --> 00:00:55.911
I'll link that in the show notes below.00:00:56.211 --> 00:01:03.931
And I read it with my 2-year-old during the weekend and was truly inspired by the beautiful way that the book put together.00:01:03.986 --> 00:01:06.566
Pictures and useful conversations.00:01:06.806 --> 00:01:12.446
A child as young as two, my son could look at the illustrations and identify the emotions of the characters.00:01:12.446 --> 00:01:21.066
And for older readers, like my daughter who's five the book could be used in many ways to talk about big feelings, changes in family, and much, much more.00:01:21.256 --> 00:01:26.986
So after reading this book and having this experience at home with my children, I knew I needed to learn more about the book.00:01:27.196 --> 00:01:30.796
So I messaged Gardner Publishing and they put me in touch with Dr.00:01:30.796 --> 00:01:32.296
Lord, and the rest is history.00:01:32.296 --> 00:01:32.476
So.00:01:32.986 --> 00:01:34.006
Welcome, Dr. Lauren.00:01:34.006 --> 00:01:37.006
We're excited to see you and I'm excited to chat with you again.00:01:37.926 --> 00:01:38.286
Lauren Laquasto: Thank you.00:01:38.286 --> 00:01:38.856
Glad to be part.00:01:39.831 --> 00:01:41.541
Erin Bailey: So we're gonna start with your background.00:01:41.541 --> 00:01:53.901
You have over 20 years of experience in early childhood education, and you're currently the Chief Academic Officer at Goddard Systems shaping the curriculum and professional learning across nearly 650 schools.00:01:54.291 --> 00:02:05.271
Can you start with sharing a little bit about your journey, what drew you to early childhood education and how your roles have influenced your perspectives of supporting young children and their families?00:02:06.430 --> 00:02:07.155
Lauren Laquasto: I am happy to.00:02:07.155 --> 00:02:08.415
I actually began my.00:02:08.655 --> 00:02:10.635
Academic journey thinking I'd be a pediatrician.00:02:10.725 --> 00:02:27.015
I was actually a pre-med and undergraduate and I took a role working with children on the autism spectrum, both supporting them and and taking
'em to medical appointments, but also shadowing many of these children in school as a paraprofessional, and it became readily apparent to me.00:02:27.870 --> 00:02:37.590
Nothing against the medical piece that was critical to their, to their care, but it was really the educators that were spending four to eight hours a day with these children that I saw really shaping who they were becoming.00:02:37.980 --> 00:02:41.190
So quick Pivot, pursued my first doctorate in child development.00:02:41.470 --> 00:02:46.450
And while I was doing that at North Carolina State University, I began teaching in the Department of Education.00:02:47.080 --> 00:02:50.840
And I actually helped found their early childhood in elementary ed departments.00:02:51.350 --> 00:02:57.410
And while there I was, I was curious about what was so different about K 12 versus early childhood.00:02:57.770 --> 00:03:01.580
And I heard some different things from different deans including a dean that readily told me.00:03:01.850 --> 00:03:07.760
Do you have any, any students that are struggling in elementary education encouraged them to go into early childhood?00:03:08.420 --> 00:03:15.860
I thought to myself, wow, what a vast misunderstanding to think that that's easier or simpler when actually it's the opposite.00:03:16.370 --> 00:03:19.430
Left a tenure track position to open my own preschool.00:03:19.910 --> 00:03:21.650
And the rest of that is history.00:03:21.650 --> 00:03:24.470
I've been in early childhood for the past 20 plus years.00:03:24.780 --> 00:03:33.730
Really just seeing what I can do to forge a path to help, you know, more, more young learners and families optimize those first five years of life, which are so critical.00:03:34.505 --> 00:03:36.275
Everything else that follows.00:03:36.555 --> 00:03:46.915
And so along the way, pursued a second doctorate in educational leadership and have had the, the pleasure and benefit of being able to lead numerous organizations in early childhood over my career.00:03:47.910 --> 00:03:48.535
Erin Bailey: Thank you.00:03:48.535 --> 00:03:49.855
What a, what A journey.00:03:49.855 --> 00:03:50.545
Two things.00:03:50.575 --> 00:03:52.345
Two connections that I just have to share.00:03:52.885 --> 00:03:54.505
The special education background.00:03:54.505 --> 00:04:00.175
So I, before going into formal education spaces, I started out as a respite care provider.00:04:00.365 --> 00:04:13.165
And if you're unfamiliar with respite carers it's for families that have children with special needs to have someone come into their home, work with their child in their home, or take them out into the community, which is often what I did.00:04:13.710 --> 00:04:18.280
Worked with one family in particular who had a 2-year-old with brain cancer.00:04:18.280 --> 00:04:22.660
And so I did go with him every other week to his chemo treatments at the hospital.00:04:22.840 --> 00:04:27.890
Very quickly learned that I did not want to go into pediatrics.00:04:27.920 --> 00:04:35.805
The hospital was, was not a place for me, which is good to learn early on, but certainly special education is where my heart always learns.00:04:36.260 --> 00:04:38.450
And then what you said about.00:04:39.080 --> 00:04:40.130
Starting early.00:04:40.130 --> 00:04:42.920
I started teaching third, fourth, fifth grade.00:04:42.920 --> 00:04:46.820
So upper elementary, I had a lot of students who were struggling with reading.00:04:47.000 --> 00:04:48.950
So I actually traveled backwards.00:04:48.950 --> 00:04:55.320
I went all the way back to teaching preschool and kindergarten, and then first grade because the foundations are key.00:04:55.710 --> 00:05:00.210
And now what I'm finding a project that I'm working on is it starts even earlier than that.00:05:00.210 --> 00:05:01.770
There are studies that.00:05:02.085 --> 00:05:09.795
Some of the brain mechanics that you know, lead your reading trajectory, start in your utero.00:05:09.795 --> 00:05:11.235
There's actually a Harvard study.00:05:11.235 --> 00:05:14.505
I'll also link that in the show notes so you can check it out yourself.00:05:14.805 --> 00:05:27.165
That there are already these mechanisms in the brain that start in utero and you can use those to see how a child's reading traject trajectory is going to be.00:05:27.465 --> 00:05:28.785
I love brain development.00:05:28.965 --> 00:05:30.015
I know you do too.00:05:30.015 --> 00:05:32.865
So that's a good segue into our next question.00:05:33.175 --> 00:05:44.415
When we think about how children process stress or uncertainty experts di talk about different states of the brain, like the survival state, the emotional state, and the executive state.00:05:44.415 --> 00:05:47.355
You shared about those in the webinar that you did with us.00:05:47.865 --> 00:05:54.855
Can you describe what these states look like for young children and why it's important for parents and educators to understand these states?00:05:55.850 --> 00:05:56.840
Lauren Laquasto: I'd be glad to.00:05:56.890 --> 00:05:59.530
So like you said, there's a lot about brain architecture.00:05:59.530 --> 00:06:02.770
We could probably spend hours and hours and hours talking about that.00:06:03.260 --> 00:06:08.350
But I think the easiest way to, to talk about brain development or brain regions, if you are three states.00:06:08.680 --> 00:06:10.420
So first of all, I talk about the survival state.00:06:10.420 --> 00:06:11.620
This is really the brain stem.00:06:12.210 --> 00:06:13.230
We'll come back to that in a second.00:06:13.260 --> 00:06:21.890
The emotional state, how we feel which is critically important to learning and the executive state, how we make decisions, how we learn and process information, et cetera.00:06:22.520 --> 00:06:28.970
We, in education, like to jump ahead to the executive state and think about how are we impacting learning and what are the outcomes.00:06:29.360 --> 00:06:31.970
But the reality is the brain works the opposite way.00:06:32.120 --> 00:06:36.500
Survival state first, emotional state second, executive state third.00:06:36.710 --> 00:06:37.940
So let me back up a little bit.00:06:38.750 --> 00:06:44.720
When newborns enter this world, that survival state, the brainstem is already very well developed.00:06:45.290 --> 00:06:50.060
You don't have to teach a newborn to breathe for their heart to beat, et cetera.00:06:50.060 --> 00:06:52.940
If you poke the toe of a newborn infant, they don't recommend it.00:06:53.120 --> 00:06:54.620
They'll pull back, they'll cry.00:06:54.620 --> 00:06:55.760
They'll try to protect themselves.00:06:55.760 --> 00:07:01.970
That survival state is really, really strong, and that's always where we go first because it's about protecting ourself.00:07:02.075 --> 00:07:09.485
If you're driving your car and a, and a puppy runs in front of the car, you don't have to stop and think about what are my options?00:07:09.515 --> 00:07:13.175
I could swerve, I could stop the car, I could yell to the dog.00:07:13.325 --> 00:07:17.315
We just jerk the wheel because we go into a primitive state of reacting.00:07:17.565 --> 00:07:22.755
And the, the more we engage with that, the stronger it becomes and come back to that in a second.00:07:22.935 --> 00:07:24.015
Then we have the emotional state.00:07:24.930 --> 00:07:27.480
If I feel safe now, how do I feel?00:07:27.780 --> 00:07:28.710
Am I calm?00:07:28.710 --> 00:07:29.760
Am I content?00:07:29.760 --> 00:07:30.570
Am I sad?00:07:30.570 --> 00:07:31.230
Am I worried?00:07:31.230 --> 00:07:32.130
Am I anxious?00:07:32.400 --> 00:07:38.070
If my emotional state is activated, I'm not really in a place to be able to learn and process information.00:07:38.340 --> 00:07:39.690
Well, we do this as adults.00:07:40.020 --> 00:07:41.760
We don't make good decisions when we're mad.00:07:41.910 --> 00:07:43.470
We don't make good decisions when we're sad.00:07:43.830 --> 00:07:44.460
Why?00:07:44.460 --> 00:07:45.960
Because we're overwhelmed.00:07:46.530 --> 00:07:48.420
Young children are the same way.00:07:48.690 --> 00:07:54.690
The difference is they can't always tell us what they're feeling, and yet we see the impact on learning.00:07:55.080 --> 00:07:56.610
So why does this all matter?00:07:56.670 --> 00:08:01.020
We have to first make sure that the child feels safe, that they're not in survival mode.00:08:01.330 --> 00:08:04.060
We think about young children that are in difficult situations.00:08:04.210 --> 00:08:09.280
Some children come into preschool having been in homes where survival is really their focus.00:08:09.790 --> 00:08:13.150
The next focus has to be on the child's social and emotional development.00:08:13.150 --> 00:08:14.440
How do you feel?00:08:14.710 --> 00:08:20.320
Well, how can I tell in my body that I'm feeling anxious or worried or sad or scared or happy?00:08:20.610 --> 00:08:24.645
And once I can resolve the emotional state, knowing that I'm, I'm comfortable, I'm loved, I'm safe.00:08:25.650 --> 00:08:27.150
Now I'm ready to learn.00:08:27.480 --> 00:08:29.310
It matters for parents as well.00:08:29.500 --> 00:08:37.390
Sometimes we're really eager to teach children things or to teach a lesson when a child is tantruming is a great example, but why we don't behave that way.00:08:37.660 --> 00:08:43.060
They're not in a state to learn that if they're in a high emotional state, they can't take in that information.00:08:43.290 --> 00:08:46.200
If they're in a high emotional state, they don't make great decisions.00:08:46.200 --> 00:08:48.270
Even if they're in a high excitement state.00:08:48.600 --> 00:08:51.990
Think about a young child at a birthday party that just had a bunch of cake.00:08:52.240 --> 00:08:54.400
They might jump off the top stairs.00:08:54.430 --> 00:08:54.910
Why?00:08:54.910 --> 00:08:56.530
Because they're in a different state.00:08:56.920 --> 00:09:01.000
And so it's important that we're always asking ourselves, survival state first.00:09:01.280 --> 00:09:04.520
Unfortunately, unfortunately, our body reacts that way no matter what.00:09:04.980 --> 00:09:11.660
Emotional state and then executive and the executive functioning areas of our brain develop well into our twenties.00:09:11.940 --> 00:09:22.860
So that's an ongoing area of focus, but oftentimes in education, we focus there first and forget that the other two regions of the brain actually are driving, are driving, functioning more So in those moments.00:09:23.860 --> 00:09:24.360
Erin Bailey: Thank you.00:09:24.360 --> 00:09:26.130
And you said well into your twenties.00:09:26.130 --> 00:09:28.455
I would say we never stop, probably.00:09:28.980 --> 00:09:32.070
For many, we never stop building that executive state.00:09:32.070 --> 00:09:40.050
I've also heard what you're describing as a downstairs brain and an upstairs brain, which is a helpful analogy for me.00:09:40.050 --> 00:09:43.050
So if you think about your downstairs brain, that's your survival.00:09:43.050 --> 00:09:48.180
Your you are born with that, and over time you build your upstairs brain.00:09:48.180 --> 00:09:56.820
And this has been helpful for me, even when I am in an emotional state and I wanna be reactive to something, I have to tell myself, you're in the downstairs right now.00:09:56.890 --> 00:10:04.210
Go up into your upstairs brain and handle this problem from your thinking through your upstairs brain versus through your downstairs brain.00:10:04.740 --> 00:10:05.280
Lauren Laquasto: I love that.00:10:05.280 --> 00:10:06.930
And Erin, there's actually, I love that.00:10:07.120 --> 00:10:12.610
And I've read something recently about one of the best ways to move from the downstairs to the upstairs is curiosity.00:10:12.700 --> 00:10:14.230
Curiosity is that pivot point.00:10:14.300 --> 00:10:14.930
Erin Bailey: Hmm.00:10:15.280 --> 00:10:16.960
Lauren Laquasto: Why am I feeling this way?00:10:17.020 --> 00:10:18.790
Why is she acting that way?00:10:18.970 --> 00:10:30.990
Why is.dot, whatever it is to put ourselves into a state of, of being inquisitive in that moment or asking a question shifts the emotion and it makes us more readily able to move into that executive state.00:10:30.990 --> 00:10:32.430
So a nice thing for parents too.00:10:32.500 --> 00:10:34.840
Think about asking questions, ask more why questions.00:10:34.840 --> 00:10:39.050
We know that our three-year-olds are really good at that but helping parents think about that as well.00:10:39.290 --> 00:10:41.720
Erin Bailey: Oh yeah, I, I'm going to use that strategy.00:10:41.720 --> 00:10:44.360
It, it buys you some time too if you're having an emotional reaction.00:10:45.260 --> 00:10:53.510
Starting to ask yourself questions, gives you some time to take a deep breath, calm down, reflect a little bit before you make a, a rash decision.00:10:53.780 --> 00:10:54.770
I appreciate that.00:10:55.220 --> 00:11:02.240
So for young children, as you described, they often express their fear and anxiety differently than we do as as adults.00:11:02.390 --> 00:11:09.920
What are some of the key signs for educators or families that their child is operating in the survival or in the emotional state?00:11:11.205 --> 00:11:12.215
Lauren Laquasto: That's a great question.00:11:12.485 --> 00:11:17.645
So the obvious sign and symptom is similar to adults is emotional emotionality.00:11:17.705 --> 00:11:20.015
So strong emotions in any way.00:11:20.435 --> 00:11:23.835
But with young children, what we frequently see are regressive behaviors.00:11:23.885 --> 00:11:25.025
Separation anxiety.00:11:25.025 --> 00:11:36.545
The child that typically had no difficulty being dropped off at preschool or readily running in for ballet class or soccer practice, that suddenly is expressing a desire to not go or to stay close to the parents.00:11:36.805 --> 00:11:37.765
Clinginess.00:11:37.865 --> 00:11:39.365
Other signs would be signs of worry.00:11:39.575 --> 00:11:42.995
A child asking questions over and over about the same topic.00:11:42.995 --> 00:11:43.775
What's that sound?00:11:43.775 --> 00:11:44.405
How do you know?00:11:44.405 --> 00:11:45.035
What did you hear?00:11:45.035 --> 00:11:45.965
Did you hear that?00:11:46.055 --> 00:11:48.335
Whatever it is that's telling us the child is stuck.00:11:48.635 --> 00:11:50.435
I think of it as a scratched record.00:11:50.795 --> 00:12:01.535
When the child is on the same track over and over and over asking similar questions, it's telling us that something is activated and somehow that curiosity is preventing them from getting past it.00:12:02.165 --> 00:12:05.305
You also might see progressive behaviors related to pottying.00:12:05.605 --> 00:12:10.975
Child that's normally been potty trained relatively well is suddenly having accidents during the day or at night.00:12:10.975 --> 00:12:15.415
Atypically could be a son of the child is, is struggling with fear or anxiety.00:12:15.940 --> 00:12:18.610
Then of course at times we'll see children with sleep disruptions.00:12:18.820 --> 00:12:25.210
The child's having difficulty going to sleep or difficulty staying asleep, be that in the evening time or during nap time.00:12:25.480 --> 00:12:26.980
Any of these are signs and triggers.00:12:26.980 --> 00:12:31.360
The child is in a more survival state mode or more of that emotional state mode.00:12:31.750 --> 00:12:35.470
And we should then as as adults, begin to ask ourself questions around why.00:12:36.715 --> 00:12:39.715
Erin Bailey: Thank you, and I've seen many of these with my own children.00:12:39.715 --> 00:12:49.195
As simple as, we just had a three day weekend and I'm doing daycare drop off and it's, there's a little more clinginess after that three day weekend, which makes sense.00:12:49.195 --> 00:12:50.185
It's a change.00:12:50.425 --> 00:12:51.865
In, in routine.00:12:52.105 --> 00:12:56.395
You know, so when parents do notice these, what can they do?00:12:56.395 --> 00:13:02.065
What actions can they take to help their child move from feeling safe to feeling safe and regulated?00:13:02.115 --> 00:13:06.345
Lauren Laquasto: So one of the best things to do is just reassure our child, reassure our child of their safety.00:13:06.345 --> 00:13:07.995
You are safe in this place.00:13:07.995 --> 00:13:08.205
We know.00:13:09.085 --> 00:13:11.725
You know this teacher, we know our friends.00:13:12.025 --> 00:13:18.085
You like going to ballet, you enjoy going to piano practice and reassuring them of their safety.00:13:18.385 --> 00:13:21.445
The other thing that parents can do is stay close for whatever reason in that moment.00:13:21.445 --> 00:13:27.925
If parents, if the child does feel the need for proximity, if it's possible, proximity is a nice way of reassuring it.00:13:28.285 --> 00:13:32.605
But the other thing, Erin, and you hit the nail on the head, is returning back to routine and schedule.00:13:33.085 --> 00:13:35.515
Young children lack a good sense of time.00:13:35.925 --> 00:13:39.315
So what they can rely upon instead is what comes next.00:13:39.765 --> 00:13:43.215
I pull into the parking lot, I walk inside the preschool.00:13:43.365 --> 00:13:45.315
Mom says goodbye and gives a hug and kiss.00:13:45.315 --> 00:13:47.445
We hang up my jacket, mom leaves.00:13:47.715 --> 00:13:49.515
I now know what's coming next.00:13:49.515 --> 00:13:54.645
I don't know it by the time 'cause I can't yet tell time, but I know what comes next.00:13:55.035 --> 00:13:57.495
Any kind of routine, bedtime routine?00:13:57.495 --> 00:14:02.475
Mealtime routine is important for children 'cause it gives them a sense of safety and security.00:14:03.120 --> 00:14:04.440
Think about ourselves.00:14:04.470 --> 00:14:10.980
If you travel, if you travel somewhere and you're not exactly sure where you are or where you're going, we felt that sense of anxiety as well.00:14:10.980 --> 00:14:14.700
And we're able to tell time and use, use ways to get directions.00:14:15.060 --> 00:14:19.860
With young children, they don't have access to those tools and resources, so they rely upon familiarity.00:14:20.040 --> 00:14:23.580
So re you know, reestablishing any type of familiarity is really key.00:14:24.180 --> 00:14:26.640
The other thing is asking questions of our child.00:14:27.570 --> 00:14:33.030
Asking them, you know, tell me about what, what you're looking forward to, who are you going to play with?00:14:33.060 --> 00:14:34.410
What's coming next?00:14:34.560 --> 00:14:36.060
What do you want to do?00:14:36.270 --> 00:14:42.270
And trying to tap into helping them identify how they are feeling or what might be causing some type of worry or fear for them.00:14:43.720 --> 00:14:46.040
Erin Bailey: Very helpful, simple tips, but we can all.00:14:46.645 --> 00:14:49.555
Apply them into our, our daily lives.00:14:50.015 --> 00:14:54.725
So the next question is around big questions or sometimes they're not even questions from our children.00:14:54.725 --> 00:15:03.815
Sometimes they might make big statements, so sometimes out of nowhere, and I'm sure you'll give some examples, children may ask a big question or make a.00:15:04.360 --> 00:15:05.080
Statement.00:15:05.320 --> 00:15:16.270
How should families and teachers interpret these and respond to them so that a child feels heard and supported, and emotionally understood and, and not be dismissed?00:15:17.285 --> 00:15:18.185
Lauren Laquasto: That's a great question.00:15:18.215 --> 00:15:20.465
And that's actually what I would say my personal platform is.00:15:20.465 --> 00:15:21.785
I'm gonna tell a story first.00:15:21.785 --> 00:15:24.785
If you feel, indulge me for a moment, Erin, and then I'll answer your question.00:15:25.905 --> 00:15:28.845
My, my biological sons are 17 and 15 currently.00:15:29.220 --> 00:15:47.850
I distinctly remember though, or yesterday, a day when they were four and two and I'm working from home in my personal office and the two, my two boys walk
into my office, my older son holding Time Magazine, picture of the year in his hand and he slams it on my desk and says, mommy, what happened on September 11?00:15:49.335 --> 00:15:53.055
I distinctly not expecting that question.00:15:53.335 --> 00:16:00.715
In the moment, in that most of my, my emotional reaction to his question, I asked him, what Braden, what do you think happened on September 11?00:16:01.135 --> 00:16:04.825
And he looked down at the floor, began to, his lip began to quiver.00:16:05.035 --> 00:16:10.075
And he said, I don't know, but my teacher said, we don't ask questions like that at school.00:16:11.275 --> 00:16:13.135
So we begin to have a conversation.00:16:13.165 --> 00:16:13.975
I'll talk about that in a moment.00:16:13.975 --> 00:16:16.015
The best to respond to that.00:16:16.405 --> 00:16:20.455
Answering very simply, very honestly about what happened in simple terms.00:16:20.965 --> 00:16:26.395
And as I'm doing so, and he's nodding along, my 2-year-old at the time begins to laugh like a maniac.00:16:26.395 --> 00:16:28.675
Just like he'd heard the funniest thing ever in his life.00:16:29.365 --> 00:16:30.685
And he said, it's okay, mommy.00:16:30.685 --> 00:16:31.705
It's an accident.00:16:32.515 --> 00:16:37.405
And my older son turned to him and said, no, Gavin, things like that don't happen by accident.00:16:37.885 --> 00:16:39.115
Why do I tell you that story?00:16:39.115 --> 00:16:40.770
For one, it's what led to me writing my books.00:16:41.590 --> 00:16:50.530
But more importantly, it's what really led me to think about how often do children ask us questions where we're not comfortable, or make statements where we're embarrassed.00:16:50.620 --> 00:17:05.650
We're not exactly sure what we can say to them because of their age, and we tell them we don't ask questions like that silencing, or we
ignore the question and we pretend we didn't hear it, or we say, we'll talk about that later with no intent to talk about that later.00:17:06.025 --> 00:17:17.255
It happens frequently because when young children are in public, they tend to say whatever's on their mind, and oftentimes it's not the most opportune time or it triggers emotion in us as adults.00:17:17.915 --> 00:17:23.795
So what should we do when a young child asks What happened on September 11 or a mommy?00:17:23.795 --> 00:17:26.345
Is that a boy or a girl loudly in public?00:17:26.575 --> 00:17:30.895
Or begins asking other questions, is first of all, acknowledge that we heard them.00:17:31.855 --> 00:17:40.825
I, I, I heard your question, or I heard your statement is really important because when the child is saying that or asking us a question, it's really a, a sign of trust.00:17:41.215 --> 00:17:47.815
I'm wondering about this or I'm concerned about this and I trust that, you know, next, affirm that it's okay.00:17:47.875 --> 00:17:51.895
You can always ask me questions or you can always tell me things.00:17:52.495 --> 00:17:57.385
That's really important for young children to hear because you're telling them it's safe.00:17:57.775 --> 00:17:59.665
It's safe to have a conversation.00:18:00.130 --> 00:18:10.150
Also to what you just said earlier, it buys you some time to start thinking as an adult in terms of what am I going to say before you answer a question?00:18:10.150 --> 00:18:15.070
The most important thing you should do is offer a question back, Brighton.00:18:15.070 --> 00:18:17.620
What do you think happened on September 11th?00:18:18.550 --> 00:18:20.860
Or why are you asking me that question?00:18:21.370 --> 00:18:25.240
Can you tell me where you heard that, or did you see a picture about that?00:18:25.540 --> 00:18:29.620
You want to really tap into what is the child actually asking us?00:18:30.010 --> 00:18:34.570
We don't wanna start answering them with a lot of information, and that's not really what they were asking.00:18:34.880 --> 00:18:37.880
So we wanna really clue into what they're, what they're focused upon.00:18:38.690 --> 00:18:44.150
As the child is talking to us, we should ask them, how does that make you feel?00:18:44.840 --> 00:18:53.630
That's also telling us, am I just curious as a 4-year-old child, or am I scared because I saw something that, that I don't understand, or I heard a word that I don't know.00:18:54.530 --> 00:19:00.200
Then it's really important that we pause, create some space in the conversation.00:19:00.620 --> 00:19:05.195
We, as adults do not like silence or pauses and conversation.00:19:05.195 --> 00:19:12.170
It makes us uncomfortable, but young children need time to think about why am I asking this question?00:19:13.055 --> 00:19:20.165
How do I tell this adult what I saw or what I heard, or how am I feeling and how would I know that?00:19:20.675 --> 00:19:23.075
And then ask more questions back of the child.00:19:23.445 --> 00:19:26.655
If it's a re, if you finally get to the heart of what the child's asking.00:19:26.895 --> 00:19:30.505
As a parent, you answer the question as much as you can.00:19:31.075 --> 00:19:40.555
If you're a teacher, you may or may not answer the question depending upon the topic, if it crosses into religion or politics or cultural beliefs, et cetera.00:19:40.960 --> 00:19:43.480
But instead you can focus upon the emotions.00:19:43.480 --> 00:19:44.800
How does it make you feel?00:19:44.800 --> 00:19:46.510
Can we talk about that feeling?00:19:46.840 --> 00:19:50.020
Because again, at the end of the day, the child's curious executive state.00:19:51.430 --> 00:19:54.820
They're asking because of adverse survival, state or emotional state.00:19:55.060 --> 00:20:06.250
And so if we can tap into those, we're gonna at least resolve the curiosity, buying ourselves some time to then either connect with the family if you're a teacher, in terms of how do you want me to answer this question?00:20:06.250 --> 00:20:10.180
Or would you like to, as a family, accessing resources as we'll?00:20:10.180 --> 00:20:11.530
Talk about, I'm sure.00:20:11.660 --> 00:20:19.170
Or, or sending them, you know, as a parent, giving yourself time to think about how do you want to have a discussion with a child about potentially big topic.00:20:20.420 --> 00:20:21.935
Erin Bailey: I know when I was a teacher.00:20:22.800 --> 00:20:29.070
One thing that I would do is let students know when I didn't know the answer to a question that they had.00:20:29.070 --> 00:20:35.460
That was important practice too, so that they didn't see the teacher as the knowledge bearer.00:20:35.780 --> 00:20:37.370
You know, that we can learn things together.00:20:37.370 --> 00:20:39.470
So sometimes if a student asked a question.00:20:39.810 --> 00:20:44.160
For example, I had a student ask one time, do whales have ears?00:20:44.310 --> 00:20:50.040
I see in this book it says that they have very good hearing, but I don't see ears on the whale.00:20:50.040 --> 00:20:53.460
That's, you know, not a big dramatic question, but it was, I did not know.00:20:53.700 --> 00:21:01.320
So I said something along the lines of, let me look it up, or let me try to find a book and we can read about it together.00:21:01.320 --> 00:21:08.340
Is there ever an opportunity to use that type of a strategy when children ask these types of big questions?00:21:08.765 --> 00:21:09.605
Lauren Laquasto: Absolutely.00:21:09.605 --> 00:21:11.915
I don't know is a very appropriate response.00:21:11.975 --> 00:21:12.635
I don't know.00:21:12.635 --> 00:21:13.535
Let's find out together.00:21:14.240 --> 00:21:15.440
Or I don't know.00:21:15.980 --> 00:21:18.200
It's also appropriate to label our emotions, you know?00:21:18.230 --> 00:21:18.440
Wow.00:21:18.440 --> 00:21:19.610
That's a very big question.00:21:19.610 --> 00:21:30.190
And that's a, that's a hard question for me to answer because I think about many parents have had this experience where you're in public and the child asks, you know, mommy, does she have a baby in her tummy?00:21:30.250 --> 00:21:30.490
Mommy?00:21:30.490 --> 00:21:31.900
Is that a boy or a girl?00:21:32.200 --> 00:21:36.220
Whatever the question might be, mommy, why is her hair like that or her skin like that?00:21:36.220 --> 00:21:37.450
Or, why is she in a wheelchair?00:21:37.630 --> 00:21:39.940
And the answer, I don't know.00:21:40.510 --> 00:21:45.550
But that's an uncomfortable question for me to ask right now because you're talking about somebody who we don't know.00:21:45.730 --> 00:21:54.010
So let's be kind and res Again, you can answer the question by not answering the question and letting the child know why it triggers something in you.00:21:54.310 --> 00:21:56.710
You're not projecting your emotions on them.00:21:56.710 --> 00:21:57.490
They're curious.00:21:57.520 --> 00:21:58.555
It's okay to be curious.00:21:58.555 --> 00:22:00.070
It's okay to ask questions.00:22:00.340 --> 00:22:01.930
We want to affirm that we've heard it.00:22:01.930 --> 00:22:04.930
That's okay to ask the question, but you're exactly right.00:22:04.930 --> 00:22:06.670
It's perfectly fine to say that we don't know.00:22:07.010 --> 00:22:09.140
And even to share emotions back with our children.00:22:10.380 --> 00:22:13.710
Erin Bailey: So all of these are reactive responses, right?00:22:13.890 --> 00:22:15.420
A child active or.00:22:15.870 --> 00:22:18.390
Question and then we are caught in the moment.00:22:18.600 --> 00:22:22.770
We're asking questions, buying time, thinking how we can thoughtfully respond.00:22:23.150 --> 00:22:32.830
Is there a way to be proactive with these so that you can shift to more intentional and preventative support for children?00:22:33.380 --> 00:22:34.310
Lauren Laquasto: That's a great question.00:22:34.310 --> 00:22:35.120
The answer is yes.00:22:35.120 --> 00:22:47.510
So when I first embarked on my personal platform, I wrote a, what I call the big book, which is a reactive resource, 21 topics that children Ask about and how do we respond with two to eight year olds, and what should you expect to hear back in return?00:22:48.110 --> 00:22:50.360
But the opposite of that is a proactive approach.00:22:50.460 --> 00:22:52.440
Let's take changes in the family.00:22:52.540 --> 00:22:54.700
You mentioned Felix and the picnic.00:22:55.090 --> 00:22:56.740
There's a couple things that families can do.00:22:57.650 --> 00:23:00.530
One is read books with children.00:23:00.590 --> 00:23:02.690
Books to me, are about creating connection.00:23:03.160 --> 00:23:14.540
A book can create a backdrop if I'm not exactly sure how to talk to my child about a change that's happening in our family or about an illness or something that's happening with a family member or a friend.00:23:15.050 --> 00:23:17.420
Sometimes reading a book can create a context.00:23:17.420 --> 00:23:21.020
We can talk about the book, the characters in the book, the events of the book.00:23:22.115 --> 00:23:29.885
See if the child makes a connection to something that's happening, or as a, as a parent or trusted adult, maybe as leading with a connection for the child.00:23:30.425 --> 00:23:37.295
The other thing too is we can also ask our children, you know, I, I, I think you walked in the room and heard daddy and I talking about something.00:23:37.535 --> 00:23:44.465
Do you have any questions about what you heard or I saw you in the grocery store line looking at the cover of that magazine.00:23:44.615 --> 00:23:46.685
That was a really interesting picture.00:23:46.685 --> 00:23:49.025
Do you have any questions about what you saw?00:23:49.520 --> 00:23:56.810
Acknowledging that the child may have been exposed to something and asking questions, can open a conversation, the child might say, Nope.00:23:57.660 --> 00:23:58.860
Or I didn't see a picture.00:23:59.490 --> 00:23:59.880
Okay.00:23:59.940 --> 00:24:01.020
Conversation over.00:24:01.270 --> 00:24:04.000
Or the child might say, yes, what was that?00:24:04.310 --> 00:24:05.810
And then we can have a conversation.00:24:05.860 --> 00:24:13.720
But books again are a great way to break down our discomfort as an adult and create a common ground to talk about characters in a story.00:24:14.030 --> 00:24:15.260
And Felix and the picnic.00:24:15.920 --> 00:24:19.830
As you read with your son a children's book that's about a, a character.00:24:20.070 --> 00:24:25.440
The class is getting excited about a family picnic, and this one character doesn't want to get excited about a family picnic.00:24:25.770 --> 00:24:32.850
In fact, he shares one statement, something sad is happening in my family book, never says what that is.00:24:33.070 --> 00:24:38.620
The book concludes the child decides to engage live with a happily ever after, if you will.00:24:39.085 --> 00:24:44.305
But as a parent, it could then be a lead in to talk about why do you think he was sad?00:24:44.335 --> 00:24:47.065
What do you think was sad happening in his family?00:24:47.470 --> 00:25:00.220
Which could then lead to discussions about divorce or separation, death, illness, incarceration, et cetera, or could lead to discussions about he just didn't like picnics, which is also an appropriate answer to the question.00:25:00.530 --> 00:25:08.360
So it doesn't create any, it doesn't introduce any new vocabulary to the child, but it does create a context for to ask questions.00:25:08.720 --> 00:25:10.520
A lot of books are designed in that way.00:25:10.760 --> 00:25:15.140
So if you're thinking as an adult, how do I tell my child about the following or.00:25:15.185 --> 00:25:17.645
I'm pretty sure my child heard about the following.00:25:17.645 --> 00:25:18.845
How do I discuss it?00:25:19.115 --> 00:25:28.145
Seek books as a great way to make a connection because then the conversation can be about the characters and events in the story, which then may or may not lead to real life connection.00:25:28.960 --> 00:25:29.500
Erin Bailey: Thank you.00:25:29.530 --> 00:25:32.590
That's very helpful and I think these are wonderful books.00:25:32.590 --> 00:25:36.730
This is the Big Conversations with Little Children's series that you wrote.00:25:36.760 --> 00:25:40.180
We, we will definitely include that in the show notes for everyone to check out.00:25:40.610 --> 00:25:43.430
But I think you, as you mentioned, they're very open-ended.00:25:43.430 --> 00:25:48.020
So as a proactive response, you know, I received the books in the mail.00:25:48.200 --> 00:25:54.980
We don't have any family changes happening, but I can proactively read the books as just a way to talk about emotions.00:25:54.980 --> 00:26:00.920
When I mentioned reading the Felix book with my son just starting, we didn't even read every word on the page.00:26:00.920 --> 00:26:02.090
We just looked at the.00:26:02.810 --> 00:26:05.480
Pictures and talked about what the characters were doing.00:26:05.480 --> 00:26:08.930
You know, he's playing blocks, she's painting, and then how did they feel?00:26:08.930 --> 00:26:13.640
And at that time, my son could only identify happy and angry.00:26:13.700 --> 00:26:16.160
Those were the two emotion words that he knew.00:26:16.310 --> 00:26:19.760
But it was a great opportunity to introduce new vocabulary.00:26:19.760 --> 00:26:21.920
Like, oh, I think on this page he's sad.00:26:21.920 --> 00:26:22.970
And I see he has.00:26:23.105 --> 00:26:28.625
Tears when I'm crying, it's because I'm sad, or maybe he's disappointed.00:26:28.625 --> 00:26:34.715
So it's a great way to just to introduce children to vocabulary so that they have those in their toolbox.00:26:34.715 --> 00:26:38.885
When things are happening to them, they're able to describe the way that they're, they're feeling.00:26:39.875 --> 00:26:40.625
Lauren Laquasto: Absolutely.00:26:40.625 --> 00:26:45.875
Which is so important, you know, for young children, helping them pair the physiological, what I'm feeling.00:26:46.055 --> 00:26:47.795
What I'm seeing is really important.00:26:48.275 --> 00:26:53.315
I always think of you when my fists are clenched and my face feels hot and I'm breathing heavy, that's anger.00:26:53.345 --> 00:26:55.475
That's what being angry feels like.00:26:55.715 --> 00:27:02.405
Or you said, when I see a frown face and I'm crying and you know, I don't have a lot of energy, that's what sad feels like.00:27:02.405 --> 00:27:08.975
Helping children understand their body connections, what they physically feel, what they're emotionally experiencing, it's really important.00:27:09.215 --> 00:27:11.940
And so the books, conserv books can serve as a viable tool for that Also.00:27:12.910 --> 00:27:13.130
Erin Bailey: Yes.00:27:14.105 --> 00:27:14.165
So.00:27:15.435 --> 00:27:18.045
Let's look at practical takeaways.00:27:18.325 --> 00:27:22.165
You know, we've talked a lot about the books and your journey to writing the books.00:27:22.165 --> 00:27:31.655
If you had to give our listeners just a few practical strategies or mind shift mindset shifts, I should say that you'd recommend, what are those?00:27:32.778 --> 00:27:39.218
Lauren Laquasto: I think first and foremost, see those some sometimes awkward questions or statements as a gift.00:27:40.048 --> 00:27:44.258
If a child asks a parent a tough question I think about things in the news.00:27:44.258 --> 00:27:49.268
Did people die when that happened or is that earthquake going to dot, dot?00:27:49.268 --> 00:27:50.708
Whatever the question might be.00:27:50.948 --> 00:27:52.088
It's a sign of trust.00:27:52.358 --> 00:27:56.168
The child is saying in that moment, I don't know, but I trust you adult.00:27:56.168 --> 00:28:02.078
I trust that, you know, I trust that it's safe to ask you, and I trust that you're gonna guide me in this right now.00:28:02.468 --> 00:28:08.648
If we can see those questions and statements as a gift, we respond very, very differently.00:28:09.323 --> 00:28:14.663
The second thing I would say is really look at the verbal communication of children and the nonverbal.00:28:15.083 --> 00:28:18.053
When we don't have words, we show it non-verbally.00:28:18.143 --> 00:28:20.243
Even we as adults have the words.00:28:20.363 --> 00:28:22.133
We still show it non-verbally.00:28:22.433 --> 00:28:29.093
So when children are showing us behaviors, be curious and ask yourself, what is the child telling me in that moment?00:28:29.333 --> 00:28:33.323
If I interpret those behaviors as words, what is the message I'm trying to give?00:28:34.283 --> 00:28:38.303
And last I would say ask questions of your child.00:28:38.613 --> 00:28:43.983
Being comfortable to also say, I don't know, when you don't have the answers, critically important.00:28:44.403 --> 00:28:48.993
And really taking the time to point out emotions in ourself and in others.00:28:49.023 --> 00:28:52.953
Helping young children navigate a very big and at times confusing world.00:28:54.198 --> 00:28:55.128
Erin Bailey: Thank you one.00:28:55.518 --> 00:29:00.073
When I was a teacher, I was told to always use the acronym.00:29:00.708 --> 00:29:08.178
WTF when a child's behaving in a certain way, and it's not the WTF that you're thinking of, it's what's the function.00:29:08.358 --> 00:29:18.888
So if a child's behaving in a, a particular way, just as you said, you can approach it with curiosity and ask what's the function of the behavior?00:29:18.888 --> 00:29:21.768
And that can be a, a helpful mindset shift for you.00:29:22.533 --> 00:29:23.073
Lauren Laquasto: That's great.00:29:23.333 --> 00:29:23.763
That's great.00:29:25.248 --> 00:29:29.688
Erin Bailey: We always end by asking our guest, what does reading inspire for you?00:29:30.533 --> 00:29:31.513
Lauren Laquasto: Oh, I like that question.00:29:31.813 --> 00:29:32.778
I'd say two things.00:29:32.778 --> 00:29:34.193
Reading inspires connection.00:29:34.953 --> 00:29:39.483
I think connection with people, connection with topics, connection with ideas.00:29:39.903 --> 00:29:50.163
I think about how often I connect with children by talking about books that I know that we've both read or with adults, books that I want them to read and why it's a great way to connect with people.00:29:50.613 --> 00:29:52.983
I think the other thing is reading inspires curiosity.00:29:53.223 --> 00:29:56.163
I think it makes us constantly ask questions of why.00:29:56.533 --> 00:30:01.333
And I hope that we as adults, as parents, as family members, as as educators.00:30:01.678 --> 00:30:08.528
Never lose that spark of curiosity because if we keep asking the question of why we keep learning and that's critically important.00:30:08.528 --> 00:30:11.828
If we want to instill that in children, we have to model that for ourselves.00:30:12.668 --> 00:30:13.123
Erin Bailey: Thank you.00:30:13.258 --> 00:30:13.498
I love.00:30:13.993 --> 00:30:15.793
Reading inspires curiosity.00:30:15.793 --> 00:30:20.443
It has such an open-endedness that can really expand our minds and our worlds.00:30:21.133 --> 00:30:24.943
Well, thank you everyone for listening to Reading Inspires by Reading is Fundamental.00:30:24.943 --> 00:30:30.313
I hope today's conversation sparked new ideas, meaningful connections, and a renewed love of reading.00:30:30.313 --> 00:30:39.223
If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe, share it with fellow literacy champions, and join us next time as we continue to explore what reading inspires.
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